if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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