Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
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I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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