He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
