the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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