I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize