is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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