Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
