end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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