someone get that fucking seahorse.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
