Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
