I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
