I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
