Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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