all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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