There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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