Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
