hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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