Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I see more hoeing in ur future
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