trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
