i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
