My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
