Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
