Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
