She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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