I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
