I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There's always time for handjobs
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
