talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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