i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
vagina is talking i cant
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Randomize
