just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
