Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
