Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize