Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
