we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
