Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
