Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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