i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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