Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
