If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
