I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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