Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
