I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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