I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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