I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
