As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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