So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
