i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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