i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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