first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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