I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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