were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Drunk is a universal language darling
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
