whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
