I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize