so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
