i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Green mimosas i think yes
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
