So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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