You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You're like the curious george of whores
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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