I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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