Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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