She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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