We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
