oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
