When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
