Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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