Don't make out with my wife yet
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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