Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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