Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
