hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
