i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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