this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize