I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
