bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
