Whats the glycemic index on semen?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
