I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
