I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Randomize
