Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
