Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Someone came in the potted fern
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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