Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
