if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize