Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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