You work out of a Hotel?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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