I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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